Posts Tagged ‘Diary’



Pukka Chukkas

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

polo

If tired of our tabloid’s sleazy Premiership reporting, you might savour The Times of India’s Woosterish account of Sunday’s match, (above), at the Rajasthan Polo Club….

‘The very thought of a Cavalry versus Piramal clash can give you goose bumps. There will be adrenaline rush, some nasty tackles, a push here, a shove there. The rival players are close friends off the field but on the field, no one will give up an inch without a fight.
The Sunday clash assumed extra importance since the two are meeting for the Mount Shivalik Polo Challenge Cup. As expected, the fireworks were there and Cavalry pipped Piramal 5-4 in a thriller; much to the relief of talismanic Tarun Sirohi, Cavalry’s main sniper:
“I was so excited that I had my blood pressure measured immediately after the match,” said Sirohi in a post-match chat.’

The will to live

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

The image of Yoko Ono in her big glasses flashes on television for a split second but enough to chill the stomach and take me back to a March night in 1986 photographing her notorious Starpeace European Tour in Berlin where you were soon aware of entering a dark, dark place as she forgot lyrics, confused the running order, and offered world peace rambles to punctuate her indescribable singing. As the restless crowd shouted vainly for Beatle standards, the embarrassment grew more tortuous till around the half hour mark I started asking if was I put on Earth for this, did I need money this badly, would the family ever know what I put myself through so they could eat, praying for some miracle to free me from the unbearable present, and finally losing the will to live.

Such Yoko moments might involve people or places and vary in length of incubation before the urge to self-mutilate. For what it’s worth, here’s my Will-to-Live Countdown. Let me know of any omissions …

18 hours Falkland Islands
5 hours Gibraltar
4 hours Economy cabins
90 mins. Ikea
70 mins. Watford Gap
50 mins. Tate modern
45 mins. Dagenham
30 mins. Yoko Ono
15 mins. Dan Brown
12 mins. Monopoly
8 mins. CNN
5 mins. BBC3
5 mins. BBC24
3 mins. Stockhausen
2 mins. Fado
2 mins. Bagpipes
60 secs. Modern jazz
50 secs. Wind chimes
45 secs. Sly Stallone
35 secs. Barbra Streisand
30 secs. Harp
20 secs. Bono talking
15 secs. Hugh Grant
14 secs. Mime Artists
13 secs. Mr. Bean
12 secs. Paul Daniels
10 secs. Paul Merton
8 secs. Lee Evans
7 secs. Hugh Grant (stuttering)
5 secs. Ant
5 secs. Dec
4 secs. Ant and Dec
2 secs. Mike Myers